a toothy grin

walking with purpose

my smug is not spite

I do not think myself better

I’m only satisfied

with having traversed the grim social order

I’m happy amongst

this sea

of unhappy faces

I smile to myself

while passing

unacknowledged

unsmiling

far gone acquaintances

to whom I wish well

I am not remiss

I feel no sting no spite

the droll senselessness of it all

is after all

your burden to bear

there is a yearning

but there too is powerful fear

the gauntlet and ring of flies

the burning words sting

it’s the moment you’ll remember

and the feeling you forget

when you die you die

I love my ego

and I’ll be sad to see it go.

—————————————-

a consumate professional

left sneaker slightly aloof

she has a face not easily impressed

Certainly not by me at least

a quick glance here and there

a stolen look in the mirror

the old man squints

the dim light in his hand

indistinguishable at any depth

he gives it a rest

as his thumbs fight for supremacy

he glances around the car

the young mans eye wanders as she leaves

she gets off near Back Bay

Predictable

you could tell by her clothes

the car is suddenly dull

the flutters in the young mans chest

fly off with her strides across the concourse

who does she love?

who does she yearn for to hold her close?

what a gilded curse her beauty must be

god bless

hope you have a good life

my momentary

friend

———————————

eternally stained glass

dirty in the most disruptful of ways

cannot obscure this elation I feel

the smoke stacks ascending from brick

no more than five sets of stairs

the lone seagull

the ethereal gleam on the clouds

a sunset

whose shroud

a magnificent palate

colors the sky

with a most fantastical

final reprise

how much longer do I have to look

to not feel like a shallow asshole

when

inevitably

I bury my head

deep in the sand

and the scene is colored black

———————————————————-

an unexpected selfish selfless love for others

the look in his eyes when you were earnest

says it all

the nervous feeling in my thighs

in all honesty

I’m worse off without the novocaine

to forget about my teeth for a while

a welcome break

from the malaise

plaque and decay

I find no existential peace in my bloody gums

I cannot catch my breath

as your train leaves the station

I cannot catch up

as the possibility of an us fades away with every passing stop

a shallow glimpse into your eyes

leads me not to the soul

but instead to a graying pasture

of listless lust and feelings buried in the snow

———————————————

what do I bring to the table?

I’m lazy,

I’m coddled,

I’m horny,

Uncaring,

Unwittingly,

Unable,

To,

Take,

The blame,

For anything,

Forever,

Frustrated,

Addicted to,

A lot of,

Anxiety relieving,

Momentary release,

Masturbating alone cause, 

Sex serves only to 

Satiate a 

Sweet savory

Need to be

Noticed

what do I bring to the table?

Buffalo Bill

In time,

In truth,

In time,

I’ve never been this unhinged

Straddling the picket line

Walking west of where I thought I should be

In doubt

enflamed

little boils on my skin

My touch hurts worse than death

I am not your friend

I am not yours to entertainment

My flesh and blood are my own

My own gift and burden to bear

my older friend

Present in the present moment

Presentation presently represents

Everything 

Anything is not so easily obtained 

As everything is so often restrained 

Presents presented at your door step

A secret admirer?

An admiration,

clandestinely covered and kept?

An outrage!

Whos presence is shrouded by this darkening flame?

I want candle wax on the small of my back

Chains and whips 

My soul is yours to tame 

I want the love I gave you and I want it back 

Through blame and fits

As I presently present myself a wilting wick

you are,

forever and always,

my older friend 

and I am,

and always will be,

the one that got away 

———————————————

A sweaty mess of flesh and fabric

A woman nods her head

Blood, tears, powder, and concealer

Not a word spoken, not a sentence said

I am yours

You are mine

I will be here til the bloody end

we are born

and we will die

But to me you’re more than just a friend

Vodka Redbull Before Class

I’m a belligerent drunk

Dreaming of Pasadena songbirds in the rainy cold

Crack!

There are metros beyond the mountain line

A door creaks open

I lie awake in a crowded train

An empty station

A woman with a lilting voice…

(Well she hasn’t spoken yet

But I’d like to think it’s lilting)

Bust!

Nothing but a bust

The drugs don’t work like they used to

I crush it, snort it, breathe it,

But it doesn’t have the same appeal…

So why do I need it?

Why do I want it?

Why do I lust for it at every synapse?

I’m bound and broken,

Cornered and beaten,

I’ve got no use for straight edge friends