Horny Catholic

Episode 3

Catholicism? Horny? Horny Catholics? Not as common as you think. In fact, every Catholic person doesn’t know that sex exists until they are married, bound to another equally oblivious and sex-drive-absent individual. However, a misconception is that a great awakening comes on your wedding night. That’s dumb, that’s ridiculous, think about how many bartenders you have to tip and slim, sticky checks from relatives you have to count on your wedding night. You’re busy, you have meetings, you can’t be worried about sexual intercourse with another confused, sweaty individual who has considered their penis to be a tiny body flute their whole lives. In fact, you find out about the joys of sexual intercourse four years and fourteen days after the date of your marriage. It gives you enough time to really prove you were in love with one another, that you’ve stood the test of time and are mature enough to endure the passions of sex, and also because it’s when the Angel Gabriel can fit you into his schedule. He comes into your room, comes down on a little bow and arrow he got at Michael’s, because he doesn’t have time for the fancy, and does the finger in hole motion with his fingers and shows you that scene with the little teenage boy and the American pie. It’s what Catholicism is about. This collection of poetry reflects that and only that. Don’t get any other ideas.